Yesterday was an anniversary of sorts. It’s been two years since my daughter left her mortal existence. It is my understanding that she is now waiting in Paradise. I hope her time spent there is more than just waiting. She spent her time on earth doing, not waiting. She may have taken a little bit of time getting used to having clarity of thought and full use of her limbs. I doubt it took too long before she was looking around and even asking, “what’s next?” I rather imagine she recognized some family members. She didn’t know many people who had gone before her, but I hope they had been alerted about her arrival and reminded her that though they hadn’t seen her since she was small, they knew her ‘way back when.’ I hope when that revelation was made, the memories were quickly revived, and she realized she was among family. Since she was very outgoing throughout her life, I rather imagine she smiled that beautiful smile and shared a memory she recalled, and I’ll bet she hugged them and squeezed extra tight because she was likely missing those she left behind. If tear ducts are still intact, I think she may have shed a tear or two and received comfort from her Grandmas and Grandpas. Grandpa Broadhead would remind her how she sat on his knee amazed with his skill in sticking out his dentures and quickly putting them back inside as her curious hands reached for them. Grandma Broadhead would remind her of how she rode her tricycle up and down their long driveway. Grandma Davis would recall how much she enjoyed hearing her play the piano and Grandpa Davis would introduce himself to her since she was born after his own demise. Brian’s grandparents would have been there to welcome her to the fold and remind her of the camping trips they had shared. There would probably be many other aunts, uncles, etc. who would nod to her and she would smile back at them searching her memory for tiny details of her relationship with them.  

At some point she would meet our Savior, Jesus Christ, and she would instantly recognize him since when was a devoted follower throughout her lifetime. I think they would have enjoyed a long embrace as the older brother she loved. From a mortal standpoint, she left behind three big brothers. They all fought hard to keep her here with prayers and fasting. For whatever reason, it didn’t work. She also left behind a loving husband and five children. None of them wanted to be separated from her either. Nothing we did could keep her here. Her Dad and I have cried buckets of tears while saying, “God’s will be done.” That seems the best way to stay sane I’m thinking. My faith in seeing her again is based on HOPE.  

I had a very vivid dream of her a couple of weeks after her passing and it left me with one truth. God loves me and understands my grief and my pain. I suppose I was hoping that I would have that experience regularly. It hasn’t happened again and that’s okay too. I think the Lord trusts that I can do this on my own. I’ve not had any more dreams of Robyn. I think about her every day and my eyes still mist as I grieve my loss. I look at her pictures, I think of her voice, I recall her laugh, I can smile at her goofy expressions. The good thing, I suppose, is that the time when I HOPE to see her again is fast approaching and I’m looking forward to that.  I recall two years and a few months ago thinking, “I can’t live seeing her suffer like this.” Then I remember thinking, “I can’t live without her.” Now, I’ve done both and I’m surviving with memories.