I have a new job. It’s pretty basic, nothing of any consequence, something many people could do. Why is this important to me? Why am I putting myself through the effort of qualifying for a job? Why do I want to put myself out there like this?

I’ve tried this a couple of times before in the last few years and struggle with the reality of considering that maybe I’m not good enough anymore. I have worked my entire lifetime. There were a few years where I felt I was needed more at home for my family, and I would stay home and do the homemaker thing, and for the most part, I enjoyed it. Even in those times, however, I found myself taking on the responsibilities being a PTA President, a Homeowners Association board member, an Avon lady, a welcome-basket person, a tour guide for some historical building, many things. I’ve never been comfortable staying home and making my home a castle. I’m always seeking some way to earn my keep.  My parents instilled in me that everybody needs to work.

I retired from a job I liked in 2008. Lowell and I went on a mission to the Philippines, and I’ll never be sorry for that. I loved my job with Continental Airlines. It was part-time, I worked from home, my job had flexibility, and I used my flight benefits to see different parts of the world. I don’t fraternize and I’ve never been a “joiner” and though I knew many of my fellow employees, I didn’t have to deal with them on a personal level daily. It was an ideal situation for me.

Going on the mission and being with my husband 24/7 was an adjustment, and I managed it well. When we finished our task and returned to civilian life, it didn’t take long to find another way to use my time. I volunteered to give tours of the Church Conference Center in Salt Lake City and I enjoyed it. I took the train uptown, talked with people I didn’t know and came home. We decided to do another mission, and I enjoyed that experience as well. When we got home from that assignment, I started getting restless, and found a job with a hotel chain as a customer service agent working in a call center. I was thrilled and jumped in with both feet. A week into training, I knew I had made a huge mistake on many levels and for so many reasons. I didn’t have to work, and I found many excuses to say enough is enough. I walked away from training and never looked back, but it took a toll on me to face what I identified as an “inability to follow through” at this stage of my life.

We decided to move to southern Utah so Lowell could ride his precious motorcycle more than a few months out of the year, which is what happens when you live in an area with snowfall. He found a house he wanted to see, we went to St. George, and though we looked at other places, we bought the one he found on the internet. I enjoyed getting away from northern Utah and being by ourselves. I love the house and the neighborhood. It’s been fun putting everything together, and the quiet is well worth what it cost.