Today is my 58th anniversary of wedded bliss. My son asked me last night if we were still in love. I had to pause for a moment before I answered. It is not that I questioned my love for my husband, I just have always been a little confused I am thinking about the word “love.” I do not think I have ever felt that giddy feeling that many people identify with love. I used to worry a little bit about that, wondering if I had really experienced “love.” I have come to understand that for me love is not about being giddy with butterflies in my stomach. I identified myself as being a pragmatic some time back and I do not believe pragmatics feel that kind of love. I know I love my children and I love my husband. I have had many experiences I have loved. For me love is an emotion that is real and full of commitment and that is what I feel towards the man with whom I have spent over a half century. I am confident in his love for me, and I do not try to identify what that means for him. He tells me often enough of that love and more importantly he shows that love by his respect and devotion to our vows.
I hear of people who fall in and out of love. Those kinds of emotions temporarily fill a gap and like a sieve, the material filling the gap dissipates leaking through the fabric of lives having to be replenished with another stop gap filler.
My marriage has not been 58 years of “over the moon” happiness. We have had quarrels regarding finances, disciplining our children, in-law disagreements, major health issues, and personal preferences. We’ve had to deal with the emotional upheaval of losing a child. There were instances where either one of us considered throwing up our hands and looking for an effortless way out of a difficult circumstance. The thing that kept us together was our family and looking back I know we made the right decision. A lot of it involves a good understanding of the purpose of life and our view of the Plan of Salvation. On July 12, 1963, I do not think either of us saw our marriage in this light. We wanted to be married and live together in our little house at 260 North 1st Street in Tooele, Utah. Coming to terms with the commitment we made on that day was a lengthy process and looking back, I know we made the right decision.
We have four wonderful children, and they are a blessing to us. I wonder if they would be as well-adjusted, and thriving had we broke up our family in favor of our individual selfish 
desires. My husband is a good man. He has been faithful and true to me, a good provider for our family, and a faithful Priesthood holder. I respect and honor him, and I do love him. I have committed myself to him and I believe I have helped him become the man he is just as he has helped me to become the wife and mother and daughter of God that I am. I am proud of both of us. We promised across the altar 58 years ago to honor one another through it all and to raise a righteous family unto him and we are living up to that promise. I do not know how much longer we will be together here on this earth, but I do know that God has promised that our partnership will go on for eternity and I cannot imagine not having that relationship. 
In the Book of Mormon is an account of Alma, a great high priest and judge of the people of Nephi, and he is in a quandary and feeling great sorrow. He sees great iniquity among some of the people who lift themselves up with pride, despising others, turning their backs upon the needy and the naked and those who were hungry, thirsty, sick and afflicted. Alma decided to select a wise man named Nephihah from among the elders of the church giving him power to sit in the judgment seat as Chief Judge and govern the people. Alma decided to devote his time in the office of high priest over the church. He would preach the word of God stirring up their remembrance of duty. His goal was to pull down the pride and craftiness and all the contentions among his people doing so by bearing in “pure testimony” against them.
The term “pure testimony” struck me because it inferred something more than a simple testimony and so I set out to find my own “pure testimony.”
I was baptized at the age of nine at the suggestion of faithful home teachers who reminded my parents that it was time for me to take that step. Our family was not actively involved in worship, but our home teachers were always welcomed into our home and we children were called upon to be respectful and quiet during those visits. My baptism date was set and on that selected Saturday, my younger sister, Lorraine, and I walked to the church a couple of blocks away and I was baptized by an authorized Priesthood bearer. I did not fully understand why this was happening or the covenant I was undertaking at that time. My confirmation, the gift of the Holy Ghost, was scheduled for the following day in the regular weekly church meeting. Again, my sister and I walked to church unaccompanied to take care of this part of my baptism. I remember very clearly knowing with absolute sure knowledge that something very special had happened to me, but I couldn’t explain it to anyone. I didn’t want to describe it out loud because I was afraid it would somehow be lessened by anyone hearing it. I simply basked in what I felt and longed to have that feeling always. At some point I decided that what made it real was the fact that the priesthood bearers performing these ordinances were duly authorized by God. There was no other explanation to me except that simple truth.
Many years would go by, and I learned line by line and precept upon precept. I often recalled the sure knowledge of the reality of the Priesthood of God. I read the account of John the Baptist ordaining Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery to the Aaronic Priesthood in D&C 13 giving them the authorization to perform baptisms. Later, they were ordained to the higher Melchizedek priesthood with authorization to be apostles and special witnesses of God’s name and to bear the keys of their ministry and those things God revealed unto them. Because I had a sure knowledge of the reality of the power of this priesthood, it was logical to me that Joseph Smith was a latter-day prophet of God. He was instrumental in restoring the Gospel of Jesus Christ in these latter days and he translated the Book of Mormon as another witness of Jesus Christ, and he organized the Church of Christ today known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The continuing enhancement of that organization is also logical to me because it is being directed by the priesthood of God and I have “pure testimony” of that.
The next part of my “pure testimony” comes many years later. I’ve written before about the life and illness of my daughter, Robyn. My faith was tested during this time and it’s interesting to me that the very foundation of my “pure testimony” was challenged. I didn’t understand how the blessing pronounced on her beautiful head could not be honored. It was a blessing given by more than one worthy priesthood holder and it’s pronouncement did not seem at all ambiguous to me. The words, “you will recover but the road will be long and hard” echoed in my brain, brought me comfort for the five years she fought her battle and helped her to face each challenge with a measure of positivity. Towards the end of her fight, I told the Lord that I didn’t understand what was happening and why the promised blessing did not appear to be clear. My “pure testimony” of the reality of the priesthood came to my mind and I bowed in submission to the Lord. I said, “I don’t understand with this human brain I have, but I’m confident that at some time when I’m not burdened with human frailties I will understand, and I’ll wait for that time Father.” Within minutes I heard those words as our, mine and Robyn’s, Heavenly Father telling her, “You will recover but the road will be long and hard.” Could it be that He is reminding both of us that her spirit will recover but the road to that recovery will be after the earthly body has suffered long and hard in the illness wreaking havoc on this vehicle, we call a body. I realized that we two are sister spirits and I the one honored to supply an earthly tabernacle for her stay here on this earth. It would be left behind and absorbed by its telestial residence, and her spirit would soar back to Paradise whole and healthy waiting for the rest of us.
The last part of my “pure testimony” came a few weeks after my daughter’s death. I found peace in knowing she no longer suffered. I even found acceptance in the fact that I had fulfilled some part of my purpose on this earth by providing her with the body she took much care to value throughout her 44 years on this earth. I felt satisfaction that I had fulfilled my role as a devoted and loving mother. I knew she was now fulfilling the next part of her eternal existence and that someday I will embrace her again. Still, I wondered about her and pleaded with my Heavenly Father for some assurance of her wellbeing. I also asked for some assurance that He knows me, and I told Him of my love for Him. Within seconds, I was filled with assurance of my daughter’s wellbeing and a complete and absolutely overwhelming assurance of love. I felt wrapped in the arms of complete love and I recall wanting that feeling to continue. I closed my eyes and maybe even gritted my teeth trying to hold on to whatever enveloped me as it gradually dissipated leaving me almost breathless returning to the reality of my surroundings.
My “pure testimony” is three pronged. The first prong is a pure testimony of the reality of the Priesthood of God. It is upon the earth and endowed to men who generally try very hard to be worthy of it and use it as God would intend. The second prong is that we are eternal beings having a temporary earthly experience that will end and free us to return to an eternal existence. The third prong is that God loves us, all the billions of people who have been born on the earth and however many more may have yet to be born. I don’t pretend to have a complete understanding and the capability of verbalizing how this all will end up. At some point the shackles of this temporal existence will be lifted and my brain will have complete understanding and it will all make sense. That is my “pure testimony.”