Finding Purpose As A Volunteer
As a Welderly, I live my life amongst a wide spectrum of ages, from grandchildren to adult children to my peers. I find the years going by with increasing speed, and sometimes I feel that I’m being left behind by family members. It’s very confusing because I don’t want them hovering over me and treating me like a helpless older woman. At the same time, I feel despondent when I don’t get a phone call or when communication seems perfunctory. My children are all good people with families and jobs and lots of responsibilities, and I’ve always been independent. We’re doing a delicate dance at this point, neither of us sure who should be leading and probably not even understanding the way to dance because we don’t know what kind of music each has in his or her head. We also don’t know what kind of moves the other can do. I often feel that people are haphazardly bumping into the ladder where I’m precariously teetering on the top rung, hoping they don’t see that I’m scared.
The fact is, my children don’t need me anymore, and to gauge my satisfaction or happiness on their current involvement in my life is unreasonable. I know they love me and are concerned with my well being, but I think they depend on me to be self-sufficient. That said, I’m sure if I ever needed anything at all, anyone of them would do whatever they could to accommodate. The hard part of being a parent is all but over. Many times my husband and I have joked with one another that our kids have turned out pretty good despite us. Our children are no longer self-centered teenagers. They are all living the dream of being parents themselves, and with that perspective are now quick to applaud their upbringing. It’s amazing what experience does for all of us.
I recall listening to a young woman years ago as she identified parenting flaws she saw from her parents as well as those in her in-law family. “We will not parent that way,” she declared. I listened. I knew the people she maligned to be good folk who worked hard and who loved their children. Finally, I couldn’t resist the urge to stop her deluge of complaints and said, “You know, it’s amazing to me that two sets of dysfunctional parents managed to raise two young adults who have it all put together so nicely.”
My biggest challenge is to temper the inclination to lend input to situations I see going on in the lives of my family. Probably from their vantage point, it’s not easy to hear those rantings and be temperate with the opinions of Grandma. They don’t want to hear how things were when I was growing up. It makes me wonder what experience may teach them and how they’ll handle these kinds of conditions in their own lives 20 years from now.
Anyway, I’ve made a decision I hope I can carry out. I will, from this time forward, issue no further words of advice unless specifically asked to do so. From now on, I will observe from afar, and when I feel myself wanting to pop off, I’ll quickly move on to become engrossed in one of my many interests. I’ll crochet something or do some other craft project and add it to the bin of items that will someday be divvied up between my grandchildren, or maybe I ought to donate those items to families who could use them now at the homeless shelter. I’ll take a walk on the trail behind my house and listen to my music on my old Walkman, or maybe I’ll walk to the rest home and visit with those who have lost the independence I enjoy. I’ll cook a delicious meal for Lowell and me, and it would be nice to take portions to a couple I know who have become housebound. I’ll get all my frustrations out through the magic of pen and paper, or perhaps I could donate some time to the Women’s shelter in my neighborhood. I could become absorbed in one of the three new books I bought recently, or I could offer to read to children at an elementary school nearby as a volunteer.
What I’m getting at is there are plenty of opportunities where we can accomplish worthwhile activities and make a difference in the world, and those people would appreciate that effort. The best part is, we don’t even need to wait for an invitation. Start by doing a Google search for ‘volunteer opportunities in my area.” You’ll find dozens to fit your schedule, your interests and your talents.