What and Where Is Love?
Life is wonderful or at least it should be. I believe we are on this earth as part of a grand plan with a purpose to gain experience and to enjoy all of God’s creations. I also believe it goes beyond that. I don’t know that there’s much we can do to orchestrate where we are raised or the circumstances of our life. This said I believe we are all spirit brothers and sisters, have a common set of Heavenly parents and our lives on this earth are part of a grand design we agreed to in the preexistence. I don’t think our creator is completely managing our lives. I think He may have a general plan for us just as we have a general plan for our children. We recognize that our responsibility is to help them gain the wherewithal to take care of themselves and to contribute positively to our world. We’re born into families and conditions of varying circumstances. Our challenge is to navigate our way through that jungle. It isn’t easy and certainly not always fair from our limited point of view.
I’ve often wondered why I was born into what I deem to be an ordinary family while others I know of are born into abject poverty and a lifetime of sacrifice. My life hasn’t been one with ideal circumstances, but my parents always made sure there was food on the table and a roof over our heads and I knew they loved us. I was never abused at all and I never felt disadvantaged. I knew our family did not have many things I assumed other people had. It didn’t bother me, I just figured that’s the way it was. It took a while for me, but I finally figured out that my mindset made the difference in how I perceived my truth. I recall as a young wife and mother finally understanding that I was in charge of my own contentment. At one point I briefly considered looking for something that would make me happier. It’s not like I had some grand ah-hah moment, but I believe that the Lord inspired me to know that I needed to be content and concentrate more on the goodness around me rather than obsessing about what I might be lacking. I’m just saying what I decided for myself. I’m not advocating that people who do otherwise are somehow at fault. My conclusions are mine, they fit me not other people.
I’ve pondered over the meaning of love. I have friends and family members who talk about “falling in love” and often those same people use the term, “we just fell out of love.” I guess for me I figured that people were either “in love” or just hadn’t found that relationship. I thought if you were “in love” you were there for the long haul.
As a teenager, I recall that twitterpated feeling in my stomach when a boy named Robert Stewart passed by. I felt light-headed and was sure I would pass out if he so much as looked at me, not even dreaming he would ever say hello. Once at a junior high school sock hop, he asked me to dance and it was all I could do to nod my head in the affirmative, let alone chat while dancing. Looking back, I’m sure I was the biggest dweeb ever. I knew I had botched my big chance for “true love.”
My next experience of any significance with that emotion was as a 15-year-old teeny-bopper who thought Ricky Nelson was the dreamiest guy on earth. I loved watching his family on the weekly television show and waited with great anticipation for the last five minutes of the show when Ricky would sing. The fan letter I wrote to him was my first and the only fan letter I’ve ever written. I poured my heart out to that boy. I even included my phone number and splashed perfume all over it, then I waited to anticipate the phone call. I practiced how I would answer the phone with just the right voice tone and what I would say when he asked, “Is this Donna?” Several weeks went by and my anxiety did not wane, I had no doubts at all he would contact me. He did, I got a letter in the mail and it had Ricky Nelson’s name in the upper left-hand corner. It was a big brown manila envelope and it was addressed to me, Donna Broadhead, Box 55B RFD 1, Tooele, Utah 84074. I hadn’t thought of a letter being his preferred method of contact, but my phone would have been a long-distance call for him and his Mom and Dad, Ozzie and Harriett, probably had restrictions about that sort of thing just like my parents did. I carefully opened the brown envelope and pulled out a typed letter inviting me to join his fan club and an 8×10 glossy of Ricky with a stamped autograph. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. However, I still hung his picture on my wall and I still watched his show and loved his music, but my definition of “love” dimmed somewhat. I went through more events where I continued to identify characteristics of this strange emotion about which songs, books, and movies are written.
As a woman well experienced in years and married to the same man over five decades, I think my perspective is to be trusted and I know it to be my truth. Love is not an emotion tucked away in a pocket in my heart meant to house it as a precious commodity. For me love started from the time I was a fully dependent infant to being a narcissistic child to becoming a drama-filled teen to the hopes of an idealistic young married to feeling the fear of being an unconfident young mother to the desperation of mothering teens to the confusion of finding myself as an empty nester to the all-encompassing love felt as a grandmother and seeing the cycle of life come around a full 360 degrees. That is a very long sentence, so is life and so is love.
Through all those phases, I ask myself, “where and what is love?”
When my second son was about two years old, I had him in my arms and he wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed me tight. “I love you Mommy,” he said. I responded, “Why do you love me Russell?” He thought for a minute or so and then said, “Don’t got no reason, I just do.” I knew then that I was on to something. I also made a mental note that someday we would work on his grammar. But for the time being, I hugged him all the tighter and reaffirmed to him that I loved him as well.
I recall many times watching my children play. It was heavenly hearing them laugh and seeing them enjoy being children with unabashed joy. I was filled with a contentment that could not be matched with any other activity. That was pure undefiled love.
I treasure the quiet solitude of meditation and sometimes add the beauty of gospel music to make it a duo. I find tranquility in hearing voices harmonizing “How Great Thou Art.” My husband and I have served a couple of missions for our church and my favorite part of this experience has been in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah when all 3,000 plus missionaries, mostly men, sing “Called To Serve.” We are all there to do what we can to serve God for an extended period of time. That is love.
Something as innocuous as a stranger opening the door as I approach a public building and at the same time smiling and wishing me a good day, tugs at my heartstrings. A casual wave from a friend or the unexpected outstretched open arms of someone from the past is a form of consideration on the fringes of love.
Recently, I’ve had to deal with the loss of my daughter and I realized that love is best represented in service. It was in a loaf of bread brought by a neighbor, a random phone call asking about my wellbeing, a sympathy card acknowledging my loss, a casserole brought by a loved one vocalizing she didn’t know what else to do.
Another important example of love for me has ended up being in the arms of a man who has grown old with me in the 56 years we’ve been together. He’s always by my side and more importantly, on my side through it all.
The best example of love in my life is God’s love. I believe in God. I have felt his love. After the passing of my daughter, I asked God to help me know of his love and to bless me to be at peace with the loss of my daughter. Sometime during the next several hours, I felt the warm encompassing warmth of a presence not of this earthly existence. Since then, I’ve tried to recreate that feeling, but I’ve come to realize it was so special it cannot be called at will. I want to feel it again. I would so love to be wrapped in it forever. I honestly don’t know how to identify it. I’m making an attempt to describe the warmth of God’s love or was it the calming spirit of reassurance from the Holy Ghost. Perhaps it was the spirit of my daughter reminding me that she was still with me. Some may say that I imagined it, then why can’t I imagine it again? When it happened, I squeezed my eyes shut. I dared not open them because I didn’t want the enveloping warmth to dissipate. I dared not move. I only wanted the feeling of being held to go on and on. As the feeling left me ever so gradually, I opened my eyes hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever was loosening its hold of my heart. I saw nothing, but my whole being was happier than I had felt in such a long time. And all I could think and in fact said out loud was, “Thank you, Heavenly Father. Thank you very much.”
When our third son married twenty years ago, someone armed with a video camera made the rounds of wedding reception guests asking for advice for the newly marrieds. My advice was, “Now the real love starts. Forget about the butterflies in your stomach and concentrate on taking care of one another.” Recently, I was in a different conversation with my second son and we talked about “love”, what makes it last? Almost immediately, I said I thought it was “Quiet Consideration.”
Love can’t be measured, it can’t be metered. It shows in what we do, what we say and how we respond to life around us. It doesn’t come and go, it’s in every corner of our being, in every word we utter, in every act we do.
A good friend posted a paragraph on his Facebook page about love I want to share it with you.
Love is a verb, and if someone wants you to know how much you really mean to them, and how important your presence and existence is in their life, they will prove it to you not just by using all kinds of beautiful and colorful words, but also by making sure that they honor all those words with actions. People who love and care about you, true friends, they honor their words with actions.
If I were asked to give advice about being in love, I would make the following suggestions: Firstly, if you don’t feel you are getting enough love, perhaps you could start by giving more love in the form of quiet consideration. Secondly, awake every day asking yourself, “what can I learn today and how can I make a difference in my sphere of influence?” And last of all, recall the words of a sweet song, “Where love is, there God is also. Where love is, I want to be.”